I don’t know how to talk about this book without sounding too excited, this has probably been my best read so far in 2017, and it wasn’t even bought intentionally. You know that moment at the check out counter when something catches your eye? You already know that what is displayed at the register is something the store is pushing you to buy, but my spending mind won that argument (as it always does!).
Early on in my motherhood journey my husband kept reminding me that letting my child cry a little now is better than me crying over him in the future, when he’s lost and throwing his life away because no one ever set limits for him. The title of the book “Hate me now, Love me later” sounded very similar to that line. What I expected would be a light read turned out to be my thoughts on paper!
The introduction alone is worth the book, it explains exactly why children need discipline, and why today you see so many brats. I will not be politically correct here, mothers today are too wrapped up “positive talk” that they blur the lines between supporting a healthy self-esteem and raising a child with no self-inhibition. I have seen to many parents ignore ridiculous behavior from their kids citing that they want them to grow with a strong personality. What they don’t realize is that they are raising a bully who will turn into a dependent “adult”.
I am a firm believer in raising a child in a positive healthy environment with firm rules and limits. Parents don’t need to be doing everything for their kids, they are fully capable of getting up when they fall, and they don’t need a thousand reassurances that they are ok; children fall and get up, its not a big deal. Apply that to most experiences as they grow up, they need to understand that sometimes they win, sometimes they lose, it has nothing to do with who they are.
In our culture I feel sorry for kids with mothers that always want them to be the best, or have the most; the scenario goes: “mama (crying child), he says that his toy is newer than mine, I don’t want this toy (throws the toy that his mom bought last week costing God knows how much), the mother answers “don’t worry my love, I will now go buy you a newer and bigger toy” while soothing a 9 year old. That never happened in front of you? It happened to many times in front of me, just change the gender and the item.
This is just one chapter in this book, I cant even get to all the points I loved in this post. I honestly had to stick too many post-its only to remove them later because it was pointless, every chapter had takeaways that apply to every age. I am listing the strongest passages I think everyone should know.
“Be curious about any biases that you might have toward your children. Try to see where they come from and how you might let go of them. Labels and comparisons really are no-win. If it’s a positive label, kids will always fear losing it. If it is a negative label, someone gets stuck with it.”
“In other words, they are so busy documenting moments that they aren’t living in them. Spending time creating an online image of a life is taking away from living a real one. Constantly posting and Photoshopping pictures of yourself fuels self-consciousness, not to mention takes self-involvement to a whole new level.”
“And seeing constant violence is damaging to children’s emotional health. Think how hopeless you feel when watching reports of senseless violence. Hopelessness and helplessness are symptoms of depression – not something we want to engender in our children. We want to raise hopeful, compassionate people. But chronic exposure to tragedy can dim compassion, which has frightening implications.”
With the fast paced life we tend to let little things fall between the cracks, but sometimes those little things add up and despite our best intentions, we miss the opportunity to parent properly. This book is definitely a great reminder to be parents to our children, not their friends, because they will have many friends in their lifetime, but only 2 parents.